I have written that I am finally getting the opportunity to dance again. I have had a really good time getting to know the people I dance with, trying to figure out the Portuguese instructions for what I am supposed to do and where I am supposed to do it, and generally just getting to move again.
We had a performance on December 20th and I was able to get a friend of mine to record it on my shiny blue camera that mom got me for my birthday. Hope you enjoy!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Thoughts
A friend of mine from Sierra Leone is thinking seriously about moving back to England, where she is from. She still loves Sierra Leone, probably as much as anyone I know. But she has been thinking a lot about roots or in her case the lack thereof. She is worried that she is losing touch with her friends. She doesn't want to become one of the world travelers that we have seen that move all over the world but don't have anywhere to call home.
It has raised interesting thoughts for me.
I would say that the vast majority of the time I am very happy with the choices that I have made that have taken me to first Freetown, Sierra Leone and now Estoril, Portugal. I have made a conscientious effort to make decisions that I will not regret. And I don't. I love what I am doing. I love the experiences that I am having. I love the people that I am meeting. But...
But last night was New Years Eve. And as I hung out in a small English pub wishing my one friend, her two friends, who I got on well with, and a host of strangers a happy New Years I kind of just wanted to go home. I have had a fantastic holiday but you know that point where you are kind of spent and are ready for your own bed, a normal routine, and all the rest, well I reached that last night. But as I threw more darts and thought about wanting to go home I realized that I'm kind of without that at the moment. This isn't the first time it has hit me that I am kind of homeless but it really struck hard last night.
The United States... I lived there for 25 years. I still have a lot of friends there. My family is all there. But people keep asking me things about the US, you know like movies, singers, t.v. shows and I can't answer them. And it isn't just that I'm not plugged into pop culture. It's that I really don't have much of a desire to go back for any extended length of time. I would love to go for holiday, but that's about it at the moment. I figure I could go back if I wanted to. I could get a job teaching or enroll in school somewhere or do just about anything, but I don't really want to. And I guess you can't call a place home if you don't want to be there.
Sierra Leone... I spent the past two years there. I still have several close friends there. I am sure that if I wanted to go back to the school they would LOVE to have me back. I could probably even move into my old house and sit on the same hammock that I left there. But my time there feels done. If I would have stayed another year I am sure that I would have loved it. But I made the choice to go. And I don't regret that choice. There are a lot of frustrations that I have glazed over in my six months of not being there. A lot of people that I knew and who made Sierra Leone what is was for me are now gone. God led me away from Sierra Leone and I followed. Freetown is different and I am different. If I went back I would want it to be like it was and I would have a hard time adjusting to how things are now. Add the fact that I don't really have a history there and Freetown isn't home.
Portugal... Live there now. Have a flat that I love. Have made some great friends in the past few months. Absolutely love my work. But a place cannot become a home in five months. It just can't. I'm all about the idea that home is where you lay your head and I guess that has kind of been the way that I've lived my life for the past bunch of years. I can't call Portugal my home yet. I could see it growing into a home. Actually, pending my ability to learn Portuguese (which has been highly frustrating thus far), I could actually see me being there for a very long time. But for now, it's not home.
So... ummm... I'm not real sure where that leaves me for the moment. Surely without much of a home to speak of. But the big question and the center of my thoughts has been, "What do I intend to do about that?" I certainly can't make this a quick fix. But what do I intend to do? I have at least a year and a half left in Portugal, which I am really quite happy about. I still think my big big goal in life to teach on every continent is a good one and something I plan to stick to. The timing is what is in question now though. I could, quite easily I imagine, continue doing two year contracts until my goal is achieved. Actually, it doesn't even have to end there. I could keep moving around forever if I chose to. And I have to admit that the idea is vaguelly appealing. Always moving around, living in new places, making friends all over the world, seeing sights that others only read about in books or don't even hear about at all. It's exciting, it's adventurous, it's an idea.
Or... I could make my life goal into more of that; a LIFE goal. I could take my time. Spend more than two years in a place. Really get to know the language, the culture, the hidden places that tourists don't know about. In this situation it's easier to see myself attaining my other big big goal in life which is to have a family. Depending on how well you know me or how often we've talked you will know how desperately I want to be a part of a family. I think it would be the most incredible thing I ever do to find someone who will love me forever, hope, pray, and beg if needed for her to marry me, and then have children, love them sooooo much, and be the most amazing father, husband, family man I can possibly be. It's a bit difficult to see this happening with my round the world tour kind of lifestyle, not impossible but difficult. However, if I find a place that I really like, stick around for a few years, maybe that could be a more attractive trait than the "Let's move EVERYWHERE", approach that I've been trying but failing with.
So, again, what to do... I guess I don't know. I guess there are times when everyone isn't overjoyed with their lot. And I guess that I have a lot to be thankful for and during times when I feel like I'm missing out on something I ought to keep in mind the absolutely fantastic life I've been given.
Still, it would be nice to have somewhere that is "home".
But that to will come in time and maybe this is just another opportunity to learn what has been my biggest struggle in life.
Patience.
Happy New Year and God bless,
Justin
It has raised interesting thoughts for me.
I would say that the vast majority of the time I am very happy with the choices that I have made that have taken me to first Freetown, Sierra Leone and now Estoril, Portugal. I have made a conscientious effort to make decisions that I will not regret. And I don't. I love what I am doing. I love the experiences that I am having. I love the people that I am meeting. But...
But last night was New Years Eve. And as I hung out in a small English pub wishing my one friend, her two friends, who I got on well with, and a host of strangers a happy New Years I kind of just wanted to go home. I have had a fantastic holiday but you know that point where you are kind of spent and are ready for your own bed, a normal routine, and all the rest, well I reached that last night. But as I threw more darts and thought about wanting to go home I realized that I'm kind of without that at the moment. This isn't the first time it has hit me that I am kind of homeless but it really struck hard last night.
The United States... I lived there for 25 years. I still have a lot of friends there. My family is all there. But people keep asking me things about the US, you know like movies, singers, t.v. shows and I can't answer them. And it isn't just that I'm not plugged into pop culture. It's that I really don't have much of a desire to go back for any extended length of time. I would love to go for holiday, but that's about it at the moment. I figure I could go back if I wanted to. I could get a job teaching or enroll in school somewhere or do just about anything, but I don't really want to. And I guess you can't call a place home if you don't want to be there.
Sierra Leone... I spent the past two years there. I still have several close friends there. I am sure that if I wanted to go back to the school they would LOVE to have me back. I could probably even move into my old house and sit on the same hammock that I left there. But my time there feels done. If I would have stayed another year I am sure that I would have loved it. But I made the choice to go. And I don't regret that choice. There are a lot of frustrations that I have glazed over in my six months of not being there. A lot of people that I knew and who made Sierra Leone what is was for me are now gone. God led me away from Sierra Leone and I followed. Freetown is different and I am different. If I went back I would want it to be like it was and I would have a hard time adjusting to how things are now. Add the fact that I don't really have a history there and Freetown isn't home.
Portugal... Live there now. Have a flat that I love. Have made some great friends in the past few months. Absolutely love my work. But a place cannot become a home in five months. It just can't. I'm all about the idea that home is where you lay your head and I guess that has kind of been the way that I've lived my life for the past bunch of years. I can't call Portugal my home yet. I could see it growing into a home. Actually, pending my ability to learn Portuguese (which has been highly frustrating thus far), I could actually see me being there for a very long time. But for now, it's not home.
So... ummm... I'm not real sure where that leaves me for the moment. Surely without much of a home to speak of. But the big question and the center of my thoughts has been, "What do I intend to do about that?" I certainly can't make this a quick fix. But what do I intend to do? I have at least a year and a half left in Portugal, which I am really quite happy about. I still think my big big goal in life to teach on every continent is a good one and something I plan to stick to. The timing is what is in question now though. I could, quite easily I imagine, continue doing two year contracts until my goal is achieved. Actually, it doesn't even have to end there. I could keep moving around forever if I chose to. And I have to admit that the idea is vaguelly appealing. Always moving around, living in new places, making friends all over the world, seeing sights that others only read about in books or don't even hear about at all. It's exciting, it's adventurous, it's an idea.
Or... I could make my life goal into more of that; a LIFE goal. I could take my time. Spend more than two years in a place. Really get to know the language, the culture, the hidden places that tourists don't know about. In this situation it's easier to see myself attaining my other big big goal in life which is to have a family. Depending on how well you know me or how often we've talked you will know how desperately I want to be a part of a family. I think it would be the most incredible thing I ever do to find someone who will love me forever, hope, pray, and beg if needed for her to marry me, and then have children, love them sooooo much, and be the most amazing father, husband, family man I can possibly be. It's a bit difficult to see this happening with my round the world tour kind of lifestyle, not impossible but difficult. However, if I find a place that I really like, stick around for a few years, maybe that could be a more attractive trait than the "Let's move EVERYWHERE", approach that I've been trying but failing with.
So, again, what to do... I guess I don't know. I guess there are times when everyone isn't overjoyed with their lot. And I guess that I have a lot to be thankful for and during times when I feel like I'm missing out on something I ought to keep in mind the absolutely fantastic life I've been given.
Still, it would be nice to have somewhere that is "home".
But that to will come in time and maybe this is just another opportunity to learn what has been my biggest struggle in life.
Patience.
Happy New Year and God bless,
Justin
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A social experiment
I have been on my own in London for the past few days. For those who know me you may be asking yourself, "How is Justin managing on his own for three days? He has never seemed like the type that would get on well all on his lonesome. He normally has to be with people doing something."
I would answer you that you are not alone in your thoughts. I myself had the same thoughts. But the time has been good for me. I've seen a lot of London, walked around A LOT, and generally had a lot of time to think thoughts.
One thought that occured to me two weeks ago when I was writing a letter (notice I actually wrote letters... on paper) to a friend. I was writing to her about my beliefs and one that I firmly hold to is that I think that there is a bit of God in each and every person. As I was writing to her I looked around at the people who were in the Cathedral and I teared up with the realization that I was not only in the presence of God in that I was in a Cathedral but I was surrounded by the presence of God in all of these people. It was a big realization to make.
Well as I packed my things into a borrowed satchel bag on Friday night I realized I'd be spending the next few days on my own and decided that as much as I possibly could during my time alone I would look at the people I pass on the street, the people I interact with in shops, and just everyone I encountered in any way and conciously (I never know if I spell that word correctly) think to myself, "There is a bit of God in you".
The results of this have been interesting. For one thing I've realized it is really really hard to keep in mind the decision to think that of everyone. Part of this is that I wouldn't be able to think anything else being that I'm constantly surrounded by people here. Another is the newness of this. I haven't ever tried to think anything like this all the time. I have several times a day caught myself not having thought about this for several hours at a time and will strive to be more dilligent in my thinking.
Aside from the difficulty of it it has been really really great. I quickly realized that I couldn't JUST think of God as being in each person. Once I thought that I then felt the need to wish God's blessings on the people I was passing. Then I thought about how each person has a story, a history and a future, that I will never know because they are faces on a sidewalk (which by the way sounds like the title of a poem. I should give that some thought). Mostly though I have spent my three days walking the streets of London smiling because my eyes are slightly more open to the amazingness of God. He is in all of us, irregardless of what we believe. He has taken the time to get to know us. We reflect his image. When I look at a man on the street do his ears curve just like God's? That woman, is her pinky finger an exact replica of the Almighties? It makes walking the streets much more interesting.
I have a few more days here but I doubt that I will ever be able to look at people the same way again...
Which I'm o.k. with.
God bless,
Justin
I would answer you that you are not alone in your thoughts. I myself had the same thoughts. But the time has been good for me. I've seen a lot of London, walked around A LOT, and generally had a lot of time to think thoughts.
One thought that occured to me two weeks ago when I was writing a letter (notice I actually wrote letters... on paper) to a friend. I was writing to her about my beliefs and one that I firmly hold to is that I think that there is a bit of God in each and every person. As I was writing to her I looked around at the people who were in the Cathedral and I teared up with the realization that I was not only in the presence of God in that I was in a Cathedral but I was surrounded by the presence of God in all of these people. It was a big realization to make.
Well as I packed my things into a borrowed satchel bag on Friday night I realized I'd be spending the next few days on my own and decided that as much as I possibly could during my time alone I would look at the people I pass on the street, the people I interact with in shops, and just everyone I encountered in any way and conciously (I never know if I spell that word correctly) think to myself, "There is a bit of God in you".
The results of this have been interesting. For one thing I've realized it is really really hard to keep in mind the decision to think that of everyone. Part of this is that I wouldn't be able to think anything else being that I'm constantly surrounded by people here. Another is the newness of this. I haven't ever tried to think anything like this all the time. I have several times a day caught myself not having thought about this for several hours at a time and will strive to be more dilligent in my thinking.
Aside from the difficulty of it it has been really really great. I quickly realized that I couldn't JUST think of God as being in each person. Once I thought that I then felt the need to wish God's blessings on the people I was passing. Then I thought about how each person has a story, a history and a future, that I will never know because they are faces on a sidewalk (which by the way sounds like the title of a poem. I should give that some thought). Mostly though I have spent my three days walking the streets of London smiling because my eyes are slightly more open to the amazingness of God. He is in all of us, irregardless of what we believe. He has taken the time to get to know us. We reflect his image. When I look at a man on the street do his ears curve just like God's? That woman, is her pinky finger an exact replica of the Almighties? It makes walking the streets much more interesting.
I have a few more days here but I doubt that I will ever be able to look at people the same way again...
Which I'm o.k. with.
God bless,
Justin
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Pictures of Life in Portugal
(Above)
A birthday celebration for Nasreen and me. Great Greek food, good friends, definitely a night to remember!
(Below)
Christina and Carla threw a wonderful birthday picnic for me at the BIG BLUE HOUSE ((I've decided that their house shall forever be all capsed)). We had an amazing cake, I recieved an infants book of Portuguese, which we decided was still a bit hard for me, and had a great time with my new friends.
(Below)
Halloween fun at THE BIG BLUE HOUSE ((I've decided the THE in THE BIG BLUE HOUSE needs to be capitalized also)). Some fun decorations, interesting costumes, karaoke and Buzz!
(Below)
Halloween night at Joy's place. Amanda, not shown below, definitely won the best dressed prize by showing up dressed as an oven with a picture of a loaf of bread on the oven door. She was expecting to give birth like two weeks later. The party stopped as everyone turned to behold her glorious costume. Good times.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Life is good
I can't help smiling as I recline at my very clean desk at how good life is right now.
My first Portuguese conversation resulted in a friend and I going to the theatre two weekends from now... I think... or maybe we are meeting for coffee tomorrow. I probably ought to call her to check on that.
My room is cleaner than it's been all year.
I feel very ready for my parent conferences tomorrow, which probably means I'm not ready at all but at least for the moment I feel good about them.
My kids were drawing pictures of me on the whiteboard after school today. Right now I am looking upon a green picture of a oval with sunglasses, a beard, an extra mustache, a very little bit of hair, and a sign that says, "Dom't irase Mr. Wallace". At least they spelled my name correctly. I'm sorely tempted to leave it on the board for conferences tomorrow. It'll give me something to smile about.
The housecleaner is at this moment taking the ruinous mass of my house and making it livable again. Actually it wasn't that bad off but she assures me she can make it sparkle so I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of magic she works.
I have dance class in just a few hours where I will have the opportunity to gaze off into nothingness, and reenact a pretty good facsimile of some of my students in class, while the dance instructor goes on in Portuguese. Then I get to dance. And it will be wonderful! I smile at the thought.
Last night I went to bed at nine something. Actually I fell asleep on the couch after eating reheated take out chinese. But it was about nine something that I drifted off. At about twelve I woke up and thought about school and friends for thirty minutes before I managed to fall back asleep.
I've caught up on a few e-mails today. If you weren't one of the lucky recepients I'm still working on it. Sorry! :)
Tomorrow after an exhaustive day of meetings I'm going to some friends house for a bar-b-cue before going out dancing with my dance instructor and some other friends in Lisbon.
Nothing planned on Saturday so may fulfill my one time dream of sleeping through an entire day. Then two football matches on Sunday.
Overall I'm feeling really good about things right now.
My first Portuguese conversation resulted in a friend and I going to the theatre two weekends from now... I think... or maybe we are meeting for coffee tomorrow. I probably ought to call her to check on that.
My room is cleaner than it's been all year.
I feel very ready for my parent conferences tomorrow, which probably means I'm not ready at all but at least for the moment I feel good about them.
My kids were drawing pictures of me on the whiteboard after school today. Right now I am looking upon a green picture of a oval with sunglasses, a beard, an extra mustache, a very little bit of hair, and a sign that says, "Dom't irase Mr. Wallace". At least they spelled my name correctly. I'm sorely tempted to leave it on the board for conferences tomorrow. It'll give me something to smile about.
The housecleaner is at this moment taking the ruinous mass of my house and making it livable again. Actually it wasn't that bad off but she assures me she can make it sparkle so I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of magic she works.
I have dance class in just a few hours where I will have the opportunity to gaze off into nothingness, and reenact a pretty good facsimile of some of my students in class, while the dance instructor goes on in Portuguese. Then I get to dance. And it will be wonderful! I smile at the thought.
Last night I went to bed at nine something. Actually I fell asleep on the couch after eating reheated take out chinese. But it was about nine something that I drifted off. At about twelve I woke up and thought about school and friends for thirty minutes before I managed to fall back asleep.
I've caught up on a few e-mails today. If you weren't one of the lucky recepients I'm still working on it. Sorry! :)
Tomorrow after an exhaustive day of meetings I'm going to some friends house for a bar-b-cue before going out dancing with my dance instructor and some other friends in Lisbon.
Nothing planned on Saturday so may fulfill my one time dream of sleeping through an entire day. Then two football matches on Sunday.
Overall I'm feeling really good about things right now.
Ha
I am at this moment trying to have my first written Portuguese conversation on Facebook chat. There is lots of copying and pasting going on with the free online translator, frantic flipping through my copy of 501 Portuguese Verbs, and still lots of miscommunication going on. Good times! :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
